“What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise”.. Goodbye May.

This weekend I was able to stop and smell the flowers...

Kevin and I, spent the weekend in Glenwood, UT at his grandparents cabin. It was a wonderful trip away to just relax and enjoy time with family. I rode and drove my first ATV ever and loved every minute of it. Kevin drove us out into a huge open field and parked the ATV. We laid in the tall flowing grass for a short while just soaking up the beautiful sun and enjoying the fresh air. However I have to admit, I felt we were almost having a Bella and Edward moment right out of Twilight laying in that open field. It was awesome. We walked to the chapel in town on Sunday and took the long way home so we could drive by the Manti temple. It began to rain a little on the way home Sunday evening , and with a light mist and the setting sun it made passing through the old small towns and rolling hills something right out of a movie.

On our way down to the cabin, Friday night, we passed through Juab County. For those who aren't aware of what this mean, this is the place where my younger brother, Hunter, passed away last summer. 

As we drove further down the road and began to see signs for Juab County and Yuba Reservoir, my heart began to ache. Not long before coming into this county we passed the little hospital in Nephi where Hunter was taken after they pulled him from the water. The Hospital where my parents, sisters and family members gathered after the accident. 

I began to fill overwhelmed with the feelings I had of my brother. I wasn't sure if it was because I was missing him, or because I was remembering that day or if simply because I wasn't there when it happened and I was finally in that place.... So many emotions were stirring in my little heart and that's when I could no longer hold back he tears. With the radio slightly playing in the background, I began to weep. It's in these moments, our family calls them "Hunter Moments", that I really feel like  I am able to step back and look at my life. Kevin  has an incredible way of making things better. He simply grabs my hand, gives me a kiss and then smiles. I'm pretty sure that smile could get him anything he wanted. Kevin often says how he wished could have known Hunter, how he knows they would have been friends and how he can't wait to meet him someday.  Kevin is so sweet to always let me just cry and miss my little brother without ever trying to "fix" it. 

Today at work I was looking on the calendar and could not believe its almost June! June 23rd will mark one year since my sweet brother left this earth. June 30th we travel to Sacramento, CA to do Hunter's temple work, and my sister Aubrey is also going through for herself this day, it will be an incredible evening. 

The rest of the day I kind of felt like a little black rain cloud was hovering over my cubical in preparation for a downpour of tears next month. When I am feeling sad I always try to think how happy Hunter is and how is poor body is no longer suffering. I try to think he's in heaven with Grandma Honey and my future children.

Hunter Blackstone Goold

On the way home tonight, still trying to shake that little black rain cloud, I heard a small comforting whisper. A whisper I have heard a million times, in the last year more recently than ever, but the whisper that can heal any wound. It simply said: "Families can be together forever". Seems silly, how I've heard this phrase my whole life and how now it can have so much more meaning. Families CAN be together forever! I know it. I know that my sweet brother is watching over my sisters and my parents and I everyday. He is anxiously awaiting the day we will all be together again. One of my favorite 'Lite Reads' is, The Family: A Proclamation To The World (Read it here) In the third paragraph it says: "The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave". What an incredible knowledge that is. I am so grateful that my parents chose to be sealed for eternity and that because of this, my sisters and I will be with our brother again someday. I am so blessed to have found Kevin and that he prepared his whole life to take me to the temple so we could also be sealed for eternity. I recognize now what an incredible blessing it is to be sealed to your family. 

 

I look forward to coming home everyday, not only to see my INCREDIBLE husband, whom I miss ridiculously throughout the day while we are at work, but also for my Daily Inspiration (Read here). I was able to watch the video of Stephanie & Christian Nielson on Glen Beck's show that aired Monday Night. The title of the episode was: Turning Tragedy to Triumph.(Watch here)  Stephanie is one of my personal heroes. I was introduced to her blog last year after Hunter died. Her blog is a daily reminder of how to overcome tragedy. Stephanie has such an incredible love for her family and for her Father in Heaven. She doesn't know it, but the things she has said in the her posts over the last year, although the two circumstances are very different (Stephanie's and Hunters) have helped me along my healing process from Hunter's passing.

Glen Beck said at the beginning of the episode, " Your life, like it or not, my life, all of our lives, they're about to dramatically change. But that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Life is what we make of it.... I think it boils down to who you are before the event happens, what seeds do you have inside." I just love this and absolutely feel that he nailed it right on the head. I know that Stephanie Nielson definitely is an example of this by her incredible optimism and hope after her accident. I know that who my family was before Hunter's passing made turning the Tragedy into Triumph a littler easier for us all. 

 

The Goold Family 1998

The Goold Family 2009 (Last Christmas with our Brother)

Who are you? What seeds do you have planted? 

Well I could go on forever about this. Hunter is always on my mind. I miss him everyday. I again recognize the incredible seeds my parents planted in me and my siblings to make us who we are. 

I am so grateful for family. I am grateful for the gospel and for the SURE knowledge that families are forever.

Maybe next blog I will update you on all the lovely adventures Kevin and I have been up to this last month. Not sad to see May go. Hoping the weather starts to turn nice and the sun graces us with its bright warm rays a little more often. Lots to come for the month of June. Goodnight Bloggers.