Changes = my decision to work outside of the home.

Since before my husband and I got married I expressed to him how much it would mean to me to be able to stay at home once we had children. Kevin, being the incredible man he is, told me way back then that he had been working hard and preparing for that time in his life for many years. He also had hopes that his future wife would be able to stay at home and raise their children and not have to work. When Hunter was born I went back to work after my maternity leave, thinking I would just turn in my two weeks notice and be done. Surprisingly, that first day back I genuinely didn't WANT to give it up completely. I loved the company I worked for and what I did. This feeling of not wanting to give up my work shocked Kevin and I both. We talked and came up with a proposal for my manager that would allow me to continue working for he company from home. The next day I spoke to my manager and we worked out an arrangement that allowed me to work from home part time hours.  I was thrilled that I would get to be with my son AND keep an extra income for some Kyla "mad money."  In just a short month I felt overwhelmed with balancing time with my newborn, keeping the home, spending time with my husband and putting in 20 hours a week.  I ended up having to do most of my wok after my husband was home and late into the night and I was really bothered with the TIME I was sacrificing with my family.  At this point Kevin and I talked again and agreed that the time and stress was not worth the work.  I ended my part time, from home job. I felt so conflicted. I was excited that I could focus JUST on my son again and spend hours in the day playing with him, cleaning, shopping, trying new recipes and everything else of being a stay at home that I had dreamed of. However, I also felt a little defeated. I was sad that I wasn't able to juggle the working and stay at home mom aspect like so many women are able to.  I told myself that it was proof I was just destined to be a stay at home mom for the rest of my life!  I was OK with that.  It was after all my "dream job" that I had wished and hoped for for many years.
Fast forward a year. We are now expecting our SECOND child. A GIRL. $$$$$$$ I knew as soon as I found that it we were having a girl that I wanted to find a way for me to bring in a little extra cash for baby spending. (I did so well spending wise with Hunter but I KNEW having a little girl would break my bank) Again my husband and I counseled together to try and come up with a plan for me to make some money.  Nothing felt right for a long time. Hayden was born in February of this year and I was so excited to bring her home and to adjust to being a mother of TWO under 20 months!  The first month with two was going great (minus the fact my toddler was having trouble sleeping) and I was LOVING being at home with my littles.  In March I was browsing Facebook one morning and came across a post on the City of Lehi's page where the first line grabbed my attention: "Lehi City is hiring!" I curiously clicked on the link which listed several positions the city was hiring for for the upcoming summer. At this point I wasn't thinking about working and was just enjoying being at home. One job opening specifically sparked an interest. "Building Manager at Legacy Center - Part Time Hours" I called to inquire more information and was told that position was for Tuesday Nights 5-Close and a rotating weekend shift (Fri 5-close or one of the 3 Saturday shifts). The position also included a pass that allowed you to use the facility. I was immediately prompted to call Kevin at work and tell him about the job opening. After a short conversation on the phone, a lengthier discussion that evening and a couple of prayers we felt that I should apply for the job.  Within a few days I received a call to come in and interview.  I felt great about the interview and Kevin and I remained confident that this was the perfect opportunity for me.  Sadly, a week later I was called and told the position had been given to someone else. Again, I was heartbroken and conflicted. I really struggled with the idea of WANTING to work outside of the home and when this felt SO right that I applied and interviewed for nothing, I didn't understand. I felt as if I was being reminded that staying at home was where I belonged. Less then a week later I was SHOCKED by a phone call that offered me the same position on a different day of the week. I called Kevin before returning the call trying to figure out what this all meant.  Here I was again feeling bad for wanting to get out of the home for a few hours a week but at the same time so excited for the opportunity. Kevin is such a smart and loving husband and with his support I accepted the job.

My first day was last week and I could not be more excited. It really seems TOO good to be true.  Thursdays I work from 5-close and then I work Saturday mornings from 7-12:30 for the rest of the month. Both Kevin and I are so grateful for this blessing.
I remember hoping my whole life to be a stay at home mom and the truth is, it's a lot harder then it looks to raise children.  Being a mother takes every inch of your mind, heart and energy and sometimes when all of those inches are taken up it can be so overwhelming that you just break down and cry. (at least I do... but I'm a crier so that could just be me) I always felt so bad for those women who HAD to work or CHOSE to work instead of being at home but I can honestly say I understand those situations a little bit better now.  Don't get me wrong, I could quit this job tomorrow and never work another day in my life and be the happiest mother at home raising children but, I am very grateful that I do get a change in scenery for a few hours a week to clear my mommy head, talk to people who can actually have a conversation back and bring in some spending money which, lets be honest, I will most likely spend on spoiling my kids anyways! 
Thanks to everyone who has supported me in this new adventure. Thanks for the kind and positive comments.  Thanks to the women in my life who have shown me that it's OK to be a mom and work! 

What are your thoughts? Do you stay at home? Work? Both? Share your comments below!